Patience is the mark of true love
I sent a short excerpt from, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life to my sister earlier this year before our father and grandmother died. It’s written by Thich Nhat Hanh and offers simple lessons about how we might treat each other with a wee bit more compassion. I’m posting it now to give us something to think about as this year draws swiftly to a close and we head into the birth of a new year.
Anger is a living thing. It comes up, and it needs
time to go back down. Even if you have clear evidence
to convince someone that his anger is entirely based
on a wrong perception, please don’t interfere right
away. Like craving, jealousy, and all afflictions,
anger needs time to die down. This is the case even
after the other person realizes that he or she
misunderstood the situation. When you turn off a fan,
it continues to spin a few thousand times before
stopping. Anger is like that. Don’t expect the other
person to stop being angry right away. That’s not
realistic. You have to allow anger to die down slowly.
So don’t rush.
Patience is the mark of true love. A father has to be
patient in order to show his love for his son or
daughter. A mother, a son, and a daughter also. If you
want to love, you must learn to be patient. If you are
not patient, you cannot help the other person.
You must also be patient with yourself. The practice
of embracing your anger takes time. But just five
minutes of mindful breathing, mindful walking and
embracing your anger can be effective. If five minutes
is not enough, take ten minutes, and if ten minutes is
not enough, take fifteen minutes. Give yourself as
much time as you need. The practices of mindful
breathing and mindful walking outdoors are wonderful
ways to embrace your anger. Even the practice of
jogging is very helpful. Just like when you cook
potatoes, you need to keep the fire going for at least
fifteen or twenty minutes. You cannot eat raw
potatoes. You have to cook your anger on the fire of
mindfulness. It may take ten or twenty minutes. It may
take more.
While cooking your potatoes, you have to cover the pot
in order to prevent heat from escaping. That is
concentration. So while you practice walking or
breathing to take care of your anger don’t do anything
else. Don’t watch television, don’t listen to the
radio, don’t read a book. Cover the pot and just do
one thing. Just practice deep walking meditation, deep
mindful breathing, and use one hundred percent of
yourself in order to embrace your anger, exactly like
you would take good care of a baby.
After some time of embracing and looking deeply,
insight will come and your anger will diminish. You’ll
feel much better, and you’ll be motivated to go back
and help the other person. When you remove the lid of
the pot, the potatoes will smell wonderful. Your anger
will have been transformed into the energy of
loving-kindness.
This is possible.
Deep heartfelt thanks to all my loved ones willing to show me their patience. It is a mark of true love. And I feel it.
