The Morning Pages #2
Thank god its the quiet morning so I can chill for a brief moment.
Well here I am again. Had a crazy dream last night. Will have to spend some time figuring it out. Won’t write about it yet. Just to say, I’m glad I’m breathing and fucking stoked that I’m alive.
Surprise having that restless sleep after a pretty cool weekend. I did all that I wanted and should have been doing. Took cat naps during the afternoon. Went on a hike. Shared meals with friends. Even planted flowers along my back door step. So now I won’t have to look at an empty planter for a while. The lady at the garden told me that these species do well in the shade. Fingers be crossed that she knows what’s up.
I bought a frame for a picture of the muir wood that my sister sent to me. On the last day of the year in 2003 we went for a walk in the muir woods up in San Francisco. Worked great for me cause it was so beautiful and so peaceful. 2003 wasn’t the easiest year for me. My grandmother died and my father died. When he got diagnosed with cancer in late 2002, I knew that 2003 would be a year of loss. Last year was spent in mourning with all the emotional upheavels that implies. Wasn’t easy and isn’t over, but on that last day of the year. Amongst the red woods, I made a decision to remember that life does go on.
In that stretch of red woods there is a creek running alongside the tall trees. For the first time in my life, I saw fish swimming up the creek to get back to their place of birth to spawn. We stood alongside the creek and watched the fish struggle against the current. One fish got bounced back and fell down over a waterfall. Another fish turned on its side for what reason I don’t know. Another two just kept swimming to keep their place. But all kept up the fight to live. The stuggle to make it home, lay their eggs and then die gracefully. I guess they were coming full circle. I read somewhere that death isn’t the horrible thing. Its the end of birth that is the horror. Cause that means extinction. The truth of birth is that death will come. Without birth there is no life, no creation. So, for a species the worst thing would be an end of birth, not the end of an individual life. To the creators bringing forth life, hurray. For the angels that bring sunlight to the seed to help it grow, hurray. Sentimental, but still delicious to me.
As my sister says to me all the time, peace and love.
